The Secret to a Long, Healthy, and Happy Life

Yes, of course there's a collection of such "secrets."  Mind your diet, exercise, don't smoke, and others.

I've been seeing an increasing number of references to another "secret" that's being promoted: having a social life, and friends.

On January 1, I was out with Richard and Debbie Ederr, and we happened to pass Laurenzo's Italian grocery store.  Right, it's been closed for some years now -- not long before the pandemic, I think -- and the story I heard was that David Laurenzo, who was the son or grandson of the founder, and the manager of the store, decided to shut down the store after about 60 years, to spite his siblings.  I thought I heard he had sold the land to a developer, but nothing was ever developed there.  It's just Laurenzo's, with the windows covered.

Richard told me that David likes music, and he decided he'd rather devote himself to music than to running the store.  But instead of hiring a manager, or selling the store, he shut it down.  More or less abruptly.  I think the last day I was there, one of their employees (some of whom had worked there for decades) told me with unmistakable anger that the employees had just been told their jobs were ending in two weeks.

If you weren't a patron of Laurenzo's, you don't know the kind of home away from home it was.  They had unique items, and the Laurenzos had spent decades cultivating contacts with suppliers.  None of that is reproducible in south Florida, or in any place that doesn't have a "Little Italy."  It's just gone.  They had a bakery, and they made their own pasta.  They had a butcher section and a seafood section.  They had tons of Italian groceries (canned goods, etc) and an extensive wine department.  They had a cafeteria that sold Italian dishes they made.  People ate lunch there.  People who shopped there knew other people who shopped there, and everyone knew the employees.

I asked Richard if David Laurenzo still owned the property, and was still paying property tax on an irreplaceable asset that produces nothing for David Laurenzo.  Yes, Richard said he does.  Good.  I hope paying the tax hurts.  Because David Laurenzo was mad at his siblings, for who knows (or cares) what reason, a treasure is gone, employees, some of whom were probably too old to get hired somewhere else, had to find jobs, and shoppers either went without or had to try to find other ways to create meals.

That's just one small example of a loss of opportunity to interact, and socialize.  An example of disconnection, and isolation.  But it's bigger, and a lot worse, than that.

There are two noteworthy dynamics going on now, and they interfere with socialization.  According to the theory, they shorten life, and make it less healthy and happy.  I'm setting aside the pandemic, which has continuing consequences for interaction.  One of them is the seemingly inexorable crusade toward divisiveness, so that people form antipathies based on nothing, and elevate them to extreme levels of disconnection, at least with whatever is imagined to be the "other side."  This is not entirely -- not entirely -- unfair, in that territoriality and group dynamics are human nature.  They serve a purpose for people, and for many animals, in that they keep groups together.  This requires designations of uses and thems, which can get uncontrolled and uncivilized, as they are now.  Unfortunately, or tragically, as much as the arc of human civilization has progressed to reducing dysfunctional discord, there's always some, and right now, there's more.  We're going backwards.  Only for the purpose of giving an example, and not to express partisan leanings, I was reading an article yesterday, about seven chimpanzees that escaped from their enclosure at a zoo in Sweden a few years ago.  The decision the zoo staff made was to shoot and kill any chimpanzees they could find, which did not re-enter the enclosure.  Chimpanzees, according to this article, are remarkably intelligent, and can be gentle and loving, but can unpredictably turn on other animals, like humans, and literally tear them limb from limb.  If you can form an image of that, and if you saw the video of Marjorie Taylor Greene raging at Joe Biden, and shrieking at him, calling him a liar (while he was doing something no more provocative than giving his State of the Union address), you can tell me the difference between MTG and an unhinged and violent chimpanzee.

Now you could argue that MTG was in fact experiencing the valued connection to others.  At least others like her.  In that sense, you could argue, she was doing what she should do to enhance her life.  (Although she's also recently gotten divorced, and called other far right Representatives "bitches."  So the sense of connection is pretty tenuous.)  I've mentioned before that I acquired all approximately 150 episodes of the "Twilight Zone."  I saw them probably 60 years ago, and I don't remember most of them.  The one I just watched is worthy of being considered the best of all of them.  (I'm happy to say it was written by Rod Serling.)  It was called "I Am the Night: Color Me Black."  I did not remember it.  It was a story about a convict sentenced to be hanged at 9:30 AM, but the sun never came up.  At first, there was no sun in this small town, and by the end of the episode, there was no sun anywhere.  There was doubt about the convict's guilt, and the newspaper editor said the deputy had perjured himself.  The police chief agreed the deputy had perjured himself, and he added that he had noticed the same finding the deputy omitted, and didn't say anything, either.  He said the newspaper editor had printed the story of the murder, having had his own doubts, which were not part of the story, and that each was looking out for himself.  Someone mentioned the importance of joining the majority, and the chaplain said the minority had been crucified 2000 years earlier.  So, again, there's the theme of the need for connection, even when the cause is unjust.  Not exactly a new story.

The other noteworthy dynamic has to do with shopping, of all things.  When I moved here in 2005, there was a mom and pop hardware store on the northwest corner of 125th St and 8th Ave.  They had a sign in the window about how people should shop there instead of at Home Depot.  "Dump the Depot, and Save," I think the sign read.  The Depot, of course, won, and the small store is gone.  It's impersonal now.  It's not just mom and pop stores that don't survive.  Sports Authority is gone, as is Bed, Bath, and Beyond (Linens 'N Things before that), and various book store chains.  The reason these stores fail is that fewer people go to stores.  They buy online.  If they're dissatisfied, they return the package, often by putting it in a mailbox of sorts.  People increasingly spend their lives alone, without even the benefit of going to stores, and interacting with the staff there.  They get entirely impersonal packages from (Sc)Amazon and other vendors.

Even listening to music has become impersonal.  Instead of going to concerts, and buying, and listening to, recordings, people "stream," and what is presented to them is indirectly connected to what they wanted to hear.  Now, it's AI, which is manufactured imagery of people who never had anything to do with the movie, or whatever is observed.  Not that there's anything "social" about watching a movie, but at least it is acted by real people, about whom you might know something, and about whom you might care.

It is my strong belief that each of us has one life, and no one is coming back for a redo.  Make the best of it.  Cherish your attachments, whether they're family, friends, store employees, or musicians and actors.  You'll live longer, and have a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life.  (My daughter called me today.  We were on the phone for 45 minutes.  She started out by telling me about my granddaughter's temper tantrum, then we stayed on the phone while my daughter went to Walmart, then to Whole Foods.  My daughter couldn't find the night stand she wanted for my grandson.  I listened.  I gave advice about some things.  My daughter agreed, or she didn't.  None of this was about anything except connecting.  It's unspeakably important.)