If It Makes Anyone Feel Better, I'll Take Some Responsibility.

In the comments from two posts ago ("Doesn't Know the Word Catercorner? Sheesh!"), Commissioner Art Gonzalez was making a point about waning enforcement on 6th Avenue.  Presumably, he was connecting the problem about which all of us complain -- an increasing frequency of car accidents on that avenue -- to the apparent fact that we're not enforcing the speed limit on that avenue as we did in the past.

Art had seemingly finally gotten the statistics he said he had long been requesting, and he showed us dramatically decreasing enforcement, at least as illustrated by a dramatically decreasing rate of speeding tickets written.  As I said, the vast majority of speeding tickets in BP have always been written on 6th Avenue, but there were vastly fewer of them in the past eight years, according to the statistics Art reprinted.

Art began with 2013, when there was an average of 15 tickets per day written in the Village, crashing (excuse the pun) in 2014 to an average of only five tickets a day, and ending in 2016 and thereafter with an average of only two tickets per day written.

We had a few other changes during those years, especially starting in 2013.  We got a new manager, we got a new Commission (it was elected at the end of 2013), we got new Village entry signs, and those old "Don't Even Think About Speeding" signs were removed.  I'm not sure I know this for a fact, but I have an impression that the "Don't Even Think About Speeding" signs were posted where the newer entry signs are now.  So, it's as if we replaced one kind of "welcome" with another.  We replaced a stern and forbidding "welcome" with a friendly one.

I was elected to the Commission at the end of 2013, and my term ended at the end of 2016.  Because we switched from running our own Village-only elections to piggy-backing onto the general election, all Commission terms were extended for one year.  So my term, which would have been two years, was three years.  Other Commissioners' four year terms became five year terms.  Just that one time, to reset us to the general election schedule.

So, just as enforcement was declining dramatically, and, according to BrambleWitch (and others, I think), accidents were increasing dramatically, I was there, in a position of some authority.  It's true no one brought to my attention the dramatic increase in the frequency of accidents on 6th Avenue, and I didn't know about the dramatic decrease in the frequency of tickets being written there, but I suppose I could have asked for these public records, as Art Gonzalez did.  I wouldn't have known to be looking for anything, but I could just have been blindly curious.

We had not long before all this erected the fancier welcome sign on the corner of 6th Avenue and 113th St, and that was a nice change for us.  We began a very major restoration project at the log cabin, and erection of the new administration building next door.  We outsourced sanitation.  We chose and installed the other welcome signs.  It was not conspicuous to me that we essentially replaced the "Don't Even Think About Speeding" signs with the newer signs.

What was less conspicuous (more subtle) was that we might also have replaced a caution, or a warning, with a pretty picture.

So, I apologize for having failed to recognize what was happening on 6th Avenue, especially if, as it appears, it was happening "on my watch."  I don't know if we were all distracted by other projects, or if the people who knew best -- the Village residents who live on 6th Avenue, especially at the corner of 119th St -- were either not clearly enough communicating what was happening, or simply not being heard, or just not being responded-to.  There were five Commissioners at a time, a manager, a police chief, and several police officers.  And a collection of increasingly apprehensive and imperiled Village residents living on that Avenue, near that corner.  Someone should have picked this up.  We didn't.  We failed.  I didn't pick it up.  I failed.

I'm sorry.  But we get it now.  The drastic proposal appears not to be realistic.  But if all we did was patrol, and enforce, as we used to, and add back the "Don't Even Think About Speeding" signs, it seems there's every reason to expect a good, satisfying, and reassuring result.  So I hope the current Commission and management correct the mistakes of the past eight years.  We'll all appreciate it if they do.

"Can We All Get Along?"

Rodney King is quoted (misquoted, paraphrased) as having said "Can't we all just get along?"  He didn't say that.  He said "Can we get along?  Can we all get along?  For the kids...?"  The misquote is a very small matter, but there's nothing wrong with getting things, especially quotes, right.

Jake Tapper of CNN was interviewing Jon Stewart, who was talking about various things, when Stewart said "I think the media does a terrible job at de-escalation."  I listened to this bit of interview while I was exploring a publication called The Daily Beast, which had run another story about how the mainstream media in a sense brought us the reign of Donald Trump, in part by having suppressed or distorted some comparatively "non-liberal" things some liberals said, or trying to bury reasonable things some conservatives said, and then setting up everyone for the backlash when the "whole truths" came out later.  And the worst part of this backlash, according to The Daily Beast, was the introduced, then amplified, proposal that the "mainstream media" were not to be trusted.

It turns out that this kind of reaction or response from people is very common.  Individuals are limited -- sometimes much more limited than they would be willing to admit -- and they latch onto whatever is presented, and sometimes react with resentment if they find they were misled.  Or they have a vague sense of their limitations, and they react automatically and initially with rejection of what is presented, because they somehow sort of know it's over their heads, or don't want to be "pushed around" by better informed people.  This would be a great place for one of my favorite jokes -- the "keep your f***in' jack" joke -- but it takes too long for the space of a blog post.  The point is that people commonly either adopt or resist, inordinately for the circumstance, and it's not an adaptive way to address things.

Sometimes, though, inordinate, and incorrect, reactions are the goal.  "It doesn't take a rocket scientist" to understand why the media do a terrible job at de-escalation.  They literally make money on escalation.  And that's setting aside if the media outlet in question wants to promote a liberal agenda or a conservative one.  That was The Daily Beast's point.

So, why am I talking about Rodney King, Jon Stewart, The Daily Beast, and one of the best jokes ever?  Because they all refer to the same problem, and we have that problem.  For a collection of reasons, people seem to have a tendency to adopt polarized positions about things, and it's not an adaptive or successful way to solve problems.  It replaces working together with fighting.  And all of the people at any of the extremes are wrong.  If they're not wrong about the substance of their argument, then they're wrong to make adversaries out of people who should be their partners, at least of sorts.

There are probably enough examples, but let's take, again, 6th Avenue.  Some of us conceptualize what amount to drastic changes in 6th Avenue in BP.  I'm relieved to report that no one, to my knowledge, goes to the other extreme, and says there's no problem.  I certainly don't say there's no problem, but in a way, I represent a position that is fairly far from the the other extreme: I say we should only pursue the least changes that I, for one, think will be effective at solving the problem (which I more than agree exists, and which I wholeheartedly want to solve).

But it becomes interesting when someone like BrambleWitch, who started out advocating for the more drastic changes, offers conclusions like "Just to be clear, the State (FDOT) is not going to reduce the lanes on 6th...Some of the local Commissioners seem to think that they can get FDOT to put in stop signs.  In my opinion, that is delusional and would not help anyway."  And when she tells Commissioner Art Gonzalez, who has lived in BP for five years, "I have lived near this corner for 28 years...[and] when we had the attitude about 'don't even think about speeding' this street was a very minor problem.  We probably had less (sic: she means fewer) officers then, it was the intention of CARING."  And she advocates for enhanced enforcement, and presumably to instill again the "Don't Even Think About Speeding" mantra, and the signs to go with it.

What's curious about that kind of movement from BrambleWitch is that it doesn't seem to move others.  We're more devoted to these crusades, and adhering to extreme demands, fruitless though BrambleWitch says they are, than we are to working together, compromising, and getting along (with each other).

And to complicate matters, perhaps, we have to get along with more than each other.  We have to get along with everyone who passes through here.  Most of them use the PUBLIC STREETS that are here, and some of them might like what they see enough to want to come live here with us.  We don't have enemies, except for the mischief-makers, and the people who forget that they're driving through someone else's "home."  That's why we, as is true of more or less all municipalities, spend half our budget on the police.

We have a Village that's hard to support, because of the low tax base, and we have hurricanes, and we have streets that flood, and we have train tracks that are too nearby, and we now have airplanes flying low and directly overhead.  We have problems enough.  We don't need to be problems to each other.  "Can we all get along?"

Doesn't Know the Word Catercorner? Sheesh!

You remember very recently we were talking about accidents on 6th Avenue.  Well, one of our neighbors wrote to me yesterday to tell me there had been two of them on Friday (yesterday), very near his house, and one of them involved four vehicles.

In his e-mail to me, our neighbor specified that one car ran into the fence "catty corner" from him.

I was already aware of one of the accidents, because I saw the debris from it when I was coming home at noon Friday.  (I'm now even more bionic than I was before, having visited CVS to get my coronavirus vaccine booster and a flu shot!)

So then, I told our neighbor that we certainly need much more enforcement on 6th Avenue, and that, by the way, it's catercorner, not catty corner.  So he wrote back to say that where he grew up, they called that kind of relationship among buildings "kitty corner."  (So what's with the "catty corner," which he then wrote was the "only truth?")

Imagine that: he's incorrect about English language usage, and he can't focus on the best solution to our 6th Avenue problem.  If I didn't like this guy so much...  But I did offer to settle the matters with him behind the bleachers after school.  Now that I'm bionic and all.

I wonder if Mario Diaz and Luis Cabrera read this blog.  Nothing else so far appears to have gotten their attention about the 6th Avenue traffic problem.  Maybe I should invite them, too, to meet me behind the bleachers after school.  The three of them against me is more or less an even match-up, if I can get Luis to put down his gun.  It's not completely clear to me how bionic I am.

Who Knew?

This started with Ricky Thai Bistro, and it was a couple of months or so ago.  I was talking to Giuliano, who, with his Thai wife, who is the chef, owns Ricky Thai, and I mentioned that I generally prefer to order vegetarian dishes from his place, because I don't like eating animals that were not humanely/pasture-raised.  Well...  Giuliano told me that in fact, that's precisely the kind of meat he uses.  I told him I had no idea, no one else will, either, some people (like me) would need to know that, and he should make this clear on his menu.  So now, I'm willing to eat meat dishes from Ricky Thai.  (Actually, I already occasionally ordered the Larp appetizer with pork, apparently wrongly thinking I was cheating.  It's a spectacular dish, and better if it's on the spicy side.  If I get it for myself, I can order it as hot as I want.  If I have company, I have to keep it toned down.  It's large enough for more than two people.)

I've become acquainted with Alex, who, with his wife, Laura, owns Vega's Burger Bar less than a block from Ricky Thai Bistro.  Alex is the chef at Vega's Burger.  Vega's Burger, by the way, is also on NE 123rd St, also on the north side of the street (as is Ricky Thai), and it's several store fronts (and a veterinarian front) east of Ricky Thai.  I go to Vega's Burger from time to time, when I want a veggie burger.  That's all I ever get there, and I order it with "seasoned fries" instead of regular French fries.  They're not very seasoned, but they're good.  Anyway, I know the serving crew at Vega's Burger, and they know what I want to order.  But Alex doesn't.  So the day a couple of weeks ago that I went in there, and Alex was sitting out at the bar, instead of being in the kitchen, he asked me if I wanted a hamburger.  I told him no, that I only get veggie burgers, because I don't like eating animals that were not humanely/pasture-raised.  Yup, Alex said that's the kind of meat he buys, from some place up in Palm Beach County.  He wouldn't tell me the place.  It was hard to tell whether he was protecting his source, or he wasn't being...truthful.  It wasn't Gaucho Ranch, which is down here, and he said it wasn't Florida Fresh Beef.  But I decided to believe him, and get a meat hamburger next time.  Which was yesterday.

So, there are two very local places that sell the meat I'm willing to eat, and neither of them proudly and prominently advertises the fact.  They really should.  I told that to both of them.  But if they don't, it's their problem, and maybe their loss, if it prevents people like me from ordering certain dishes.

In my opinion, it's a wonderful thing that fewer animals are being mistreated, and are healthier.  Until that "one bad day."  But I do wonder if there are any other places doing the "right thing," and just not letting their customers know about it.  I tell lots of places to get meat from Pablo at Gaucho Ranch.  I hope they do it.  Florida Fresh Beef is somewhere around Ocala, and the meat tends to be more expensive.  I don't know what Alex at Vega's Burger pays for meat, but the hamburger was good.  It was 10 ounces, with fries and a pickle, for $13.  That's 100% in line with common restaurant prices for a hamburger with fries, and maybe it's even a bit lower than some casual places.

My only complaint about my Vega's Burger order was that it was the "Fireman" hamburger, which supposedly meant it was spicy.  When Alex asked me how spicy I want it, I told him to go for it.  I told him I wanted to be sorry I asked for that much heat.  But all he used was jalapeno peppers, so it wasn't very spicy at all.  I'll make myself clearer, and challenge him a bit, next time.  I always tell people like Alex that I like to eat food that bites back.  He's going to have to step it up.  He and I will talk about what other peppers he can use for someone who wants a "Fireman" hamburger.  If I have to put out a fire, he's going to have to work harder to start one.

"Because We Belong to Each Other."

I took the title of this post from the last line of a story on NPR this morning.  The story was about the efforts of a woman named Priya Parker, whose book is called The Art of Gathering, to figure out how to make gatherings of people, usually at celebrations, deeper and more reflective.  She focused on the idea of constructing topics of toasts made, and how to encourage gatherers to make them more incisive, and appreciative.  She ended her NPR discussion as I said, with the quote that is the title of this post.

And this concept is critically important, and not to be forgotten.  Sometimes, we belong to each other by accident, like the families, or cultures, or societies or countries into which we happened to have been born.  But mostly, we choose our surroundings, and the people in them.

I do a certain amount of couples or marriage counseling, and one theme that is never out of focus is that the people involved chose each other, from among many possible choices.  Sure, they're complaining about each other now (that's why they're seeing me), but however long ago it was, they wanted, and preferred, each other.  The time bomb in these situations is that everyone in the world has neuroses, and every choice contains a conflict.  So, the basis for complaint now actually contains the reason for having chosen the person in the first place.  For example, "So-and-so is so controlling, and ignores my suggestions."  "What attracted you to so-and-so when you met and were getting to know each other?"  "So-and-so is so well-organized and self-assured."  There are loads of examples, but they all distill into personal and internal conflicts like that.

The same can be said for things like where we choose to live.  If we consider, say, Biscayne Park, no one is forced to live here.  We all chose it, and each of us for our reasons.  And as small as is Biscayne Park, each of us chose one part, or one street, or one house, instead of another.  "I'm dissatisfied with my house.  It's too small, or plain, or on too small a lot, or on too busy a street."  "How did you choose that particular house?"  "I could afford it much better than I could a larger, fancier, more up-to-date house, on a bigger lot, and a quieter street or cul-de-sac."  It's the same thing as the relationship complaints and conflicts.

But having made these choices, we commit -- to a place and to each other.  They're not commitments that can't be reconsidered, or changed, or abandoned.  But until we conclude that we've somehow made a mistake, and should save ourselves from it, we do belong to each other, and to the setting or place that contains us.  And our continued belonging is not without the conflicts it contained when we first made the choice.  We just have to remember what we intended to gain from this choice, and what we agreed to sacrifice to make it.

Now, it's fair to say that not every situation in which a choice is made was fully evolved, as it is when we become dissatisfied, when we made the choice.  "S/he wasn't a drug addict when I met her/him, but s/he is now, and I can't live like that."  "Biscayne Park didn't use to be directly under the flight pattern from MIA, but the flight pattern was recently changed, and BP is under it now, and I can't live like that."  Then, you make changes, or you appeal to someone else to make one.

But absent changes like that, we belong to each other, because we chose to belong to each other, for our conflicted reasons, and it's in our interest to find the value in belonging.