My Daughter Doesn't Get It.

My daughter and I have a close relationship.  But it got strained last year, because I moved up to Massachusetts for five months, as she asked me to do, it was a huge disruption and expense, it didn't turn out as I expected, I sold the apartment I bought (this was supposed to happen every summer), and I think she got mad at me.  But we're still close.

I have solar panels, and my daughter got solar panels.  (My son's are on order.)  I have an electric car, and my daughter and son-in-law want an electric car.  We don't agree about various things, and that's fine.  They parent their way, and I parented my way.

Some weeks ago, I got an e-mail from some company that is auctioning off a new electric car.  There are choices, and two of them are trucks.  My son has agreed to accept my Tesla sedan, and my daughter and son-in-law want a truck.  The auction tickets were $200 each, and I bought five of them.  Yesterday and today, I've gotten e-mails saying that fewer than half the tickets have been sold, with about four weeks to go before the auction, and they're urging people to buy more tickets.

So I called my daughter to ask her if she'd like me to buy some more tickets.  No.  She wants me to save my money.  I asked her, in effect, for what.  Whatever I have is for her and my son anyway, and if they're more likely to get a new electric car of the type they want if I spend more money, then I'm inclined to do it.  Still no.

My daughter wants me to be able to take care of myself, and she's worried I'll need more money than I have to do it.  (The alternative, of course, is that if I get in trouble, I'll call my son and daughter, and ask them to help me.  Which maybe they don't want to have to do.)

But I told my daughter to forget about that, and forget about me.  My interest is my offspring, not myself.  I manage.  I suggested my daughter think of me as garbage that can be disposed of.  (I'm 73, my offspring are in their 40s, I work because I like to, and because I'm good at it, not because the world needs more psychiatrists.  My "job" is done.)

My daughter said "yeah, you're a piece of shit, and we don't want you."  I corrected her, and I said "no, I was successful with you, and you don't need me."  

If I reared two successful offspring who are entirely independent of me, then I did exactly and completely what I should have done as a parent.

I outlived my parents.  My offspring will outlive me.  My grandchildren will outlive my offspring.  That's the way it goes, and that's the way it's supposed to go.  That's actually what everyone wants.  That's why hundreds and thousands and tens of thousands of years ago, there were other people, and hundreds and thousands and tens of thousands of years from now, there will be different people.  Unless we continue to fuck up each other, and the planet, and interfere with the whole process.  We're supposed to care enough not to do that, but at the moment, it's not looking good.  But I'm still going to do my part.