"Let's Take an Example, Just for Fun."

I took the title of this post from a song in the magnificent 1954 musical, "The Pajama Game."  The song, which is probably called "Picture This," is about an attempt to cure Heinzy, who is afraid that his gorgeous and sexy girlfriend will get interested in someone else, of his jealousy.  Heinzy is given hypothetical situations that are increasingly provocative ("let's take an example, just for fun"), and asked to overcome his reflex to be jealous.  "What would you do then, Heinzy?"  "I... would trust her...I'll never be jealous again."

Anyway, what I'm thinking about is the last Commission meeting, which I characterized as one in which the Commission had no idea what it was doing, essentially about anything.  I wasn't particularly specific about the Commission's aimless and reckless bumbling, but I thought now we could "take an example, just for fun."

As I mentioned, one of the issues discussed was a request by one of our neighbors to be allowed to keep chickens on the property.  We were told the neighbor's/applicant's daughter was anxious, and someone decided the only thing to be done for the young girl was to allow her to have pet chickens.  We were reassured that only hens, and no roosters, were requested.  We were also told that this request was supported by the child's pediatrician, who had submitted a letter concluding his patient should be allowed to have a pet chicken that we were supposed to think of as like a service animal, or at least a special companion pet, which thereby addressed the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) consideration.  But here's the problem.

The county has a regulation against farm animals being kept in urban settings (chickens are specifically included among those animals considered farm animals, and Biscayne Park is considered an urban municipality), and there is another general rule that municipalities (cities, towns, and villages, in Florida) can be more restrictive than counties, but they can't be less restrictive.  What the Commission was being asked to do was to be less restrictive than the county.  So, on the surface of it, the correct response to the applicant/BP resident was to tell them to make their case to the county, not to the Village.  The Village could have supported the applicant's appeal to the county, by providing a letter of support and local agreement, but it could not have over-ruled the county's more restrictive position.  This, by implication, would have required the Village (and Tracy Truppman) to acknowledge that some other entity had more authority than we do/Tracy does, which for Tracy Truppman is a non-starter.  So we launched ourselves into a realm where we had no business being.

The applicant explained the girl's alleged medical/psychiatric situation, with some omissions and some distortions.  And in "full disclosure" here, let me say that as a personal matter, if I did not concern myself with rules, I would be very sympathetic to the applicant, our neighbor.  Hey, I like chickens vastly better than I like dogs and cats.  And anyway, it pleases the girl and her family, does not affect me at all, and frankly, what do I care if they have chickens?  But there are realities, too, and they include rules by which we all have to live together.  The applicant was playing a bit fast and loose with those rules, and with the presentation.  Our Village Code says a Village resident can have a maximum of four pets.  The applicant currently has eight chickens.  And it was more, except some died.  We were told the applicant's daughter had to have pet chickens, because she is allergic, or something, to "fur."  But I was also told privately, by someone I trust a great deal, that the family also have a pet cat.  The application to be allowed to keep the chickens, and the note from the pediatrician, all came only after the chickens/chicks had already been acquired.  The doctor didn't suggest chickens as a good idea.  The family already had them, and told the doctor they made the girl less anxious.  We were also told the girl needed protection from feelings of loss.  By having pet chickens?  How many decades does someone think they'll live?  No one suggested the girl would need to take her pet chickens to school, too.  So this was all very, very untidy.

Further, the applicant suggested that here in BP, the "bird sanctuary," we should naturally, by definition, welcome all birds.  If you can have a parakeet or a canary, then having a chicken (or an ostrich?) should be the same thing.  Like if you can have a dog, can you have a wolf or a hyena?  If you can have a (house) cat, can you have a lion or a tiger?  Come on.

And just as a different kind of illustration of the problem, Mac Kennedy spoke about a variance request, and this special request.  The variance request was about a shed and a pergola someone wanted to keep.  It wasn't clear if it was really allowed as it was built, but it was already there.  No, Mac insisted.  We have rules, and they must be followed.  The girl and her chickens?  Aw, Mac gushed, sure, let the girl keep her chickens.  That kind of inconsistency coming from Mac is more or less harmless.  But coming from an elected and paid Commission?  Uh, no.  But that's what we got.

And the Commission (really Tracy, who does all the talking) were all over the place.  Oh, you have chickens you're not supposed to have?  OK.  Oh, you have twice the maximum permitted number of them?  OK.  I/we get it.  This is medically necessary.  Hey, the ADA probably doesn't give us any choice.  But promise us that as the chickens die (what? the chickens that are supposed to protect the girl from loss are going to die?), they won't be replaced.  OK, said the applicant.  So, wait a minute.  If our theory is that pet chickens are a medical necessity for this girl, how can we then prevent her from replacing them, when they...die?

Not one bit of this made any sense.  The Commission doesn't make any sense.  It has no idea what it's doing.  And that was my point.

Blah, Blah, Blah, Grr, Grr, Blah

What a waste of four hours.  Wow, did I just say four hours?  And this is time that I can't, as they say, get back.  Amazing.

Gosh, mused Tracy "Big Mama" Truppman, I wonder if the attorney has any thoughts about what to do about public comment, so we can, you know, be respectful of things like variance presentations, that shouldn't be kept waiting for hours.  Hmm, Madame Mayor, said Rebecca Rodriguez, I'm wondering about-- I mean, just off the top of my head-- maybe putting public comment deeper into the agenda?  How about that, attorney Rodriguez, you think of everything, gushed the grateful Big Mama.  Except, of course, that Tracy had telegraphed this scheme a week or two ago, so we all knew she would jettison public comment until late enough that maybe not too many people would be there any more.  Which is partially what happened.  So slimy.  Eww.   Tracy continues on her campaign to shut out and shut down her neighbors, so they can't speak, and if they do, they won't get any response.  But she's not just picking on us.  She does the same thing to her colleague, Dan Samaria.

At one point, Dan wanted to discuss the still deflected matter of the illegally postponed March 5 meeting.  Ah, just a minute there, Commissioner, said Rebecca Rodriguez.  Your colleagues and the manager have all lawyered up over this, so it's unlikely (impossible) anyone will talk about it.  You'll be talking to yourself.  What would you say to, um, postponing this inquiry?  Yeah, OK, surrendered Dan.  They do have their way with old Dan Samaria.

Tracy heard about it, too, from several of her neighbors.  Whoa, there!  No, I'm not suggesting she cared at all.  I'm just saying a number of her neighbors spit into the wind about Tracy and her ongoing assault on the Park and its inhabitants.  Dan Samaria is increasingly beaten down, and he didn't get to present anything he had in mind.  And Betsy Wise was way too bored to do anything but "concur" with whatever Tracy said.  I didn't get the sense Betsy was actually listening, or heard, or cared, but she was always there at the ready with her concurring vote.  The same exact thing went for Jenny Johnson-Sardella.  She very clearly doesn't know what's going on, and she just takes direction from Tracy.  Will Tudor is still out there, trying at times to seem relevant, but not really persuading.  Tracy took the lead in voting against someone's shed.  She didn't think it met items 1, 2, or 4 of the special questions.  Betsy voted no, too, because she didn't think the situation met items 1, 2, or 4.  Jenny couldn't agree to the shed, because she felt the applicants hadn't met items 1, 2, or 4.  Will?  Um, no, considering items 1, 2, and 4.  See what I mean?

Essentially nothing got accomplished.  The troupe bumbled around a variance and a special request to allow some allegedly anxious girl to keep chickens, but they very clearly don't know what they're doing.

Did anyone complain?  Sure.  But they got ignored, as usual.  And Tracy had good old Mike Redmond, and good old Charlie Easton, to criticize anyone who didn't like bad, ineffective, and illegal government.  Yuck, said Mike and Charlie.  We hate complainers like that.

Did I mention what a waste of time this Commission meeting was?

WHAT?!! This is for Us?! And It's In Our Back Yard?

I go to lots of entertainment.  My favorite place is South Miami-Dade Cultural Arts Center (SMDCAC), way down in Cutler Bay.  It's overwhelmingly worth the trip.  I'm there often.  Then, there are other places I go, depending on what I want to see and hear, and what organization is putting something on.  There's a ton of great entertainment in south Florida.  You can be busy most of the time.  And a lot of it, apart from whatever is at the Arsht, is very competitively priced.

I've mentioned one place I've been frequenting in the past couple of years, and it's very near us.  It's the Sandrell Rivers Theater (SRT), and more or less all programming is under the auspices of the Fantasy Theater Factory (FTF).  They put on their own stuff, and they sublease the theater to other groups. A common FTF tenant is the M Ensemble.  This is an African-American cultural organization that began in the '70s, I think, and one or two of the founders are still active.  The other main founder has died.  It's interesting and funky stuff, and some of it is absolutely top shelf.  I've attended concerts, plays, and other presentations at SRT.

The SRT, like SMDCAC, is a county-owned venue.  The county-- our Miami-Dade County(!)-- has, for whatever reasons, decided to get solidly behind culture in Dade County.  Not only did they build SMDCAC in Cutler Bay, where there is no reason to imagine very first rate cultural events, but they also built SRT, in an otherwise sketchy part of mid-county.  The building is on NW 7th Avenue at about 60th Street.  I told you this is in our back yard.  And not only did they build these two venues, but they-- the county-- are a very major supporter of many local cultural organizations which are private and/or non-profit.  The county and its Commission do plenty of things wrong, but I will be forever in their debt for what they have chosen to do for local culture.  It's unbelievable.

Shows at SRT are variably priced.  Some of them are as expensive as $30, although old people like me get a "senior" discount.  This is frankly dirt cheap, if you also take into account the free parking in the on site garage with the security guard, and the people who are beside themselves with how friendly and appreciative they are.  It's the same thing as SMDCAC.  You go there, and you think you're with close friends who are deeply pleased and honored that you chose to spend time with them.  And all they do is work there.  At SMDCAC, my main people are Eric, of course, who is the Director of the place, and Dora, Tom, and the charming Melody.  And really, everyone else.  At SRT, it's Rommel and Patricia and Shirley.  Yeah, it's like that.  And I'm Fred to all of them.

This year, I attended, among other things, a SRT/FTF concert put on by a group that calls itself Cortadito.  They had a wonderful Cuban-oriented band, and the featured guest performer was Sammy Figueroa.  Sammy freakin' Figueroa.  For the price of... nothing.  They say donations are welcome.  OK, so I leave $10 per person with them.  I suppose it should be $20 per person.  Next time.  And speaking of next time, on June 1, at 8:00 PM, it's Cortadito again, and this time, they're featuring Nestor Torres.  Right, Nestor freakin' Torres.  Right, for nothing.  Oh, yeah, the donation you're "welcome" to leave.

Technically, as I said, it's a sketchy neighborhood.  I have never felt anything but completely safe, and they do have security guards, but it's imaginable that someone, noticing the address, might assume it's not the first place they would want to go at night.  Sure, gentrification, which includes the SRT, but still, some people are skittish.  Maybe that's why there are usually very few patrons in the audience.  I really don't know.  It's certainly not the ticket "price."  They did better with Cortadito/Sammy Figueroa (yup, I said it before, and I'll say it again, Sammy freakin' Figueroa, and it was a wonderful concert, with and without him; he didn't participate in every song), and I have no doubt they'll do well with Nestor Torres.  Nestor Torres would fill any auditorium for any price he wanted.  We're talking here about Nestor freakin' Torres:

Fantasy Theatre Factory's Music@SRT series is back! Join us on June 1 at 8 p.m. as Cortadito with an extraordinary guest Nestor Torres, legendary flutist, take the stage for one night only celebrating the traditional music of Cuba in a lively jam session for everyone to dance! For this FREE special concert, Grammy Award-winning Torres and Cortadito will dazzle the audience a seamless blend of Latin jazz, pop, straight-ahead jazz, and classical styles. He has been described as "an exotic mix of styles that takes the listener through American, Brazilian, and Afro-Cuban jazz."

So, words to the wise, you know what I mean?  ftfshows.com.  305-284-8872.  You don't need any more help from me than I've given you already.  I'm leading you to water.  You know what to do.  FILL THE PLACE!  BRING EVERYONE YOU KNOW!  You'll feel foolish later, if you let this get away from you.

By the way, I owe an apology.  I didn't make a big deal of a recent M Ensemble play, "The Old Settler."  It was a wonderful play, and it was very expertly presented.  The actors and director were all local, and they all did a spectacular job.  I should have tried to send you to SRT for that.

John Herrin and I Get Our Comeuppance. Subjectivity Is a Beautiful Thing.

I suppose last night's Commission meeting had to be endless.  There was, in fact, a good deal of material on the agenda.  And when the person running the meeting can't focus on the agenda items, but is constantly aiming to make the meeting about herself, it just has to take a long time.  It took just over the allotted four hours, and we finished about 3/4 of the material.  Well, when I say finished... Two of the three variances got incomplete attention, and both were carried over to the next meeting for completion.  The third variance was never heard at all.  And neither were some of the meaty discussion issues.

The first long segment was Public Comment.  It seems the natives are not at all happy.  Well, some of them are not happy.  Other recruits, who are never seen at meetings, appeared last night seemingly for the purpose of reporting how pleased they are with the current Commission, how unfair and out of line are the people who aren't pleased, and how the most important thing in life is mindless harmony.  Om.  Usually, Big Mama simply allows her detractors to speak their peaces, then she ignores whatever they said.  This time, Big Mama had a different strategy.  Not only did she scare up a few of her friends to criticize her critics, but Big Mama herself became more of an activist.  She interrupted generously, and worked actively to shut people down.  She beat Dan Schneiger out of so much of his allotted three minutes that he was unable to finish his timed comment in the time given.  So Big Mama tried to have him removed from the meeting when he kept going.  Luckily for Dan, and for democracy, the police ignored Big Mama's orders to remove him, have him killed, or whatever she wanted.  Big Mama just don't brook no sass from no commoners, and Dan, and a number of us, clearly overstepped.  Big Mama also had her Gray/Robinson attorney to pseudolegalize the suppression of Village residents.  Attorney Julie Mandell also wasted a good deal of time explaining why Village residents are not allowed not only to say "you, Tracy, shouldn't..." etc, but are not even allowed to say "Tracy shouldn't..."  I forget the phrase about not taking someone's name something-or-other, or even uttering it.  But it clearly applies to our Commission, at least in Tracy's opinion.

The second long segment was the battle of the attorney applicants.  It was John Herrin and his (male) business partner against Julie Mandell and two of her (female) business partners.  Each applicant for the job of VBP attorney made its case for why it's the best choice.  And each presentation was about equal.  There were only two differences (three, if you think gender is an important variable).  One was that one applicant included John Herrin.  The other was that although the new Gray/Robinson, the one that doesn't include John Herrin, reassured us that they have 15 offices, of which 14 are in Florida, so we are guaranteed abundant "local" representation, they again had to get the attorney for the evening to fly in from Tampa.  If they have so much Florida staffing, it's hard to imagine why they don't just have people in Miami.  They had two other attorneys on hand and active last night, and they were based in Miami.  So why have to bring in Julie Mandell from Tampa?  It was never addressed or explained.  Anyway, in making his presentation, John Herrin mentioned that if you google him, you'll find some negative publicity.  One of his detractors is a former Councilwoman from Doral (I think), and John offended her by telling her that one of her proposed schemes was illegal.  Apparently, she went on a campaign to punish John for disagreeing with her.  What John seems to have forgotten is that this is not the last time this has happened to him.  He offended Big Mama in exactly the same way, and Big Mama don't forget stuff like that.  So, it didn't really matter what John said, or what his business partner said, or what the the three current Gray/Robinson applicants said.  Tracy, and her pet, Betsy, and, if I remember correctly, Will Tudor, were simply going to judge that Gray/Robinson was the best choice.  Which is what they did.  John made the mistake of disagreeing with Big Mama about something, and he paid the price.

At some point, we made our way to two of the three variances.  The first one was left over from two months ago, because the Commission botched the presentation by illegally changing the original meeting date.  Most of the presentation was made on March 19, it was made again last night, and the Commission learned that when there's ambiguity, and two seemingly legitimate sides to an issue, it's hard to make a decision, and take responsibility for that decision.  Unfortunately, none of the current Commissioners, except Dan Samaria, has ever before sat through Commission meetings, so they don't know about things like making decisions and taking responsibility.  They couldn't do it last night, either, and they agreed to carry this matter over to next month.  They have no apparent awareness of how they're being unfair and jerking people around.  They're just trying to avoid the moment of the stopping of the buck.

The next variance request was mine.  Now, of course I know at the outset that this Commission is not going to approve any request I make.  I'm the one making it, like John Herrin wants something.  You do not challenge Tracy "Big Mama" Truppman, then have her do something in your favor.  It just doesn't work that way.  So, I made my case, and Big Mama, and her pet, Betsy, decided that it just didn't add up for them.  Will Tudor and Dan Samaria thought my request was worthy enough, and they could vote in my favor.  But Big Mama and Betsy just thought I hadn't offered compelling enough proof of need for this variance.  And that's what it comes down to.  It's like a jury.  They can choose to believe one side, or they can feel the other side was more believable.  Of course, with a jury, the idea is that they're supposed to be impartial.  It don't work that way with the current BP Commission.

But, there was an interesting problem for the resolution of my variance application last night.  It seems Jenny Johnson-Sardella was either not feeling well, or there was some other issue.  Because she wasn't there.  So the vote was 2-2.  And that means this will get presented and voted again next month, when someone can break the tie.  What are my chances, with both of Big Mama's girls, instead of just one of them?  Um, this is not a bet I would take.  But, Jenny has on rare occasion very recently shown something that looked faintly like very subtle independence from Big Mama.  So, I suppose there are actual odds.  They're not in my favor, but they might exist.

This is all very personal to Tracy "Big Mama" Truppman.  She takes it all very personally.  Her tenure on the BP Commission is about her, and it has essentially nothing to do with BP.  She likes to be complimented by her sycophants, and she punishes and acts out vendettas against anyone who confronts her in any way.  She thinks she knows everything, better than anyone else, and she likes personal control of everything.  That's how she rolls, and it's who she is.  Nothing is about anything, except it's all about her.  And that's why John Herrin is out, and I'm not winning my case, and uncomfortable decisions about other matters don't get made.

You Bought Your Commissioners a Present. And You Can Share It With Them.

You're so generous.  Here we are in 2019, when everyone and his uncle, including poor people and even many homeless people, have mobile phones, and you go and buy your Commissioners new phones.  You're the best.

It's not that they didn't all already have their own phones.  Of course they did.  But they decided you should buy them new ones.  OK, they didn't exactly ask you to buy them new phones.  They just took some of your money, and bought them themselves.

Now, why did you have to go and buy your Commissioners new mobile phones?  Well, you can be sure there's a reason.  And even though in all these years and decades, you never before had to buy your Commissioners new mobile phones, it appears something has come up that makes it best if you do get this present for your current Commissioners.  No other Commissioners you ever had needed this from you, but these do.  And here's the special reason.

It seems that a number of your neighbors-- possibly even you yourself-- have had a lapse in confidence in your Commissioners.  Some of you have noticed some odd goings-on that have led you to suspect maybe your Commissioners have been making some mischief by communicating with each other, when you can't know about it, in ways that the laws of the state of Florida prohibit.  And some of you suspect these communications have been occurring on the phone.  So, some of you have demanded to see your Commissioners' phone records, to see whom they've been calling, and when.

Well, it seems your Commissioners don't appreciate this kind of nosiness on the parts of their constituents, and they don't want you to see those records.  Maybe you think some of them have been having illegal conversations with others of them, and they think it's just none of your business.  I mean, if they had been breaking the law by having these conversations, and, in the process, subverting the democratic process, how is that any of your business?

So, instead of your Commissioners showing you what you want to see, they've hit upon a better idea.  How about you buy them a new phone, which they'll pretend is for work only, and which they'll further pretend is the only phone on which they conduct Village business, and then, they propose, you won't need to see those, you know, personal phone records?  Isn't that a pretty good deal?

Here's how it goes: they'll promise you all Village business will only be transacted on the phone they made you buy them.  They promise they won't call each other and have illegal conversations on that phone, and since they already promised that all Village business will only be transacted on that phone, then those are the only records you'll need to see.  You know, if you don't feel that you trust them entirely.  And just in case you're wondering, no, they won't make a mistake by using their personal phones-- the ones you didn't buy them, the ones they already had, the ones all Commissioners have had for decades-- and they won't cheat.  They promise.  Now you won't need to check, and everyone will be satisfied.  And if you still think you do need to check, your Commissioners will decide which phone you're allowed to check.  It couldn't be any more reassuring than that, could it?

So. here's what you'll need to know.  If you want to call your Commissioners, and we've already agreed that you won't call them on their personal and private phones, then you'll need to know what number to call.  No, not the one you already have.  We talked about this, and we all agreed: no Village business on those old phones.  The personal and private ones.  We're on an honor system here.  So, here are the phone numbers for the mobile phones you just bought your Commissioners:

305-213-4217 – Tracy Truppman

305-213-9145 – Will Tudor

305-213-4006 – Betsy Wise (Betsy claims she'll pay for this herself.  Unknown so far.)

305-213-5139 – Jenny Johnson-Sardella

786-609-5721-- Dan Samaria.  Dan's situation is a bit different.  Dan took personal initiative, and secured his own Village business phone at his own expense.  It was after Dan's move that your Commissioners took Village money to get their phones.  At the Commission meeting where this gift your Commissioners snagged from you was discussed, Dan asked if there would be Village reimbursement for the phone he got himself.  He was told no.

So, these numbers are how your Commissioners allegedly intend to communicate all Village business, and it's how they would like you to communicate with them.  Your Commissioners and the Village manager have been too busy to make these numbers public, or even to be published on the Village website, but they will be grateful that you were able to get the numbers here.  They would like you to feel free to use these numbers to call them to discuss any Village-related concern you have.  So, feel free.

Cute, Slick, and Trendy. And the Big Problem With a Lot of EMR.

Tonight, The Betsy Wise Show, starring Bet-sy...Wise, took place at the log cabin.  Betsy let herself loose, in all her PR glory, to teach us about "branding."  Betsy has promised since the day she declared herself the next great BP Commissioner that she would bring the Village into the 21st, or perhaps 22nd, Century with...branding.  We need a brand.  It says who we want to be, or who we think we should be, or anything, Betsy told us, except who we are.  Who we are is so...today.  It might as well be yesterday.  And it's no good.  We need to become a future.  And Betsy walked us-- tangoed us-- to tomorrow, and a future we never dreamed could be ours.

We learned about Missions and Visions.  We found out how Coral Gables, and a few other municipalities that aren't BP, do it.  It's all about style.  It's acronyms, and slogans, and PR glitz, and it's constructed out of our imaginings.

Here are 35 traits, Betsy offered us.  Choose your favorite 10.  And a rapt audience, in the log cabin and at home, compliments, Betsy humbly-- well, no, that wouldn't be fair; there was nothing humble about it; this is a lesson in PR; it's all about Betsy-- conceded, except for the part about Dan Samaria's superior offering, which Betsy didn't think it was necessary to mention, a rapt audience of what turned out to be about 12 people who wanted to play the PR game.  Go ahead, Betsy encouraged, envision a Village characterized by your favorite 10 of the 35 permitted traits.  No, no, you can't choose any traits you like.  You have to choose from the 35 Betsy selected from somewhere or other.  And once you've selected your favorite 10 of the 35 Betsy permits to you, you can register them.  You can use your "workbook," provided by Betsy and her "team," which appeared to be some woman whose name might be Maura, or you can enter them...electronically (yay, as XXI C as it gets right now) on your mobile phone, or your tablet, or your computer at home.  Betsy was working those 12 customers, and she was working them good.

Where was this going?  This is the beauty of it.  It didn't have to go anywhere.  It was an exercise, or a game, and it allowed players to feel included, and important.  Apparently, Charlie Easton didn't feel included and important, or he just wasn't feeling it, because he asked a couple of questions, which Betsy grudgingly dismissed, and then he gave up and left.  "Not for everyone," Betsy spat at him as he left.  No, not for everyone.  There was only a certain amount of this song and dance I could take, too.  I think I was getting PTSD, either from Reggie Watts or from EMR.

I love watching Reggie Watts.  I've seen many videos of him, and I saw him in person once.  What a genius of social commentary.  Reggie Watts caricatures phony pseudo-communication, and pseudo-expertise.  He uses nonsense verbalizations where circular, aimless, and substance-lacking communication is commonly presented.  But it's presented as if it was sententious and profound.  Except it's empty and mirage-like.  Do you know about pop psych?  It's like a lot of that.  When Reggie Watts does it, it's very funny.  When Betsy Wise does it, not so much.  Maybe it's because Reggie doesn't really mean it, and Betsy wants you to think she does.

Electronic medical records (EMR) have been an increasing rage in the medical industry.  The good thing about them is that they're legible, and, because they're electronic and on computers, they're easy to transmit, like from the out-patient doctor to the hospital, or vice versa.  But the movement behind them got a lot bigger than that convenience.  It's like a whole universe just out of making medical records electronic.  There's this entire system of organizing them, and making them uniform.  What has happened is that records have turned from the productions of the authors of them into grand templates, where the author of the note has to complete "fields."  At best, you wind up with much more "information" than is applicable to the encounter.  It's superfluous, and neither pertinent nor actually helpful.  At worst, you get useless filler and dumb redundancy.  And if it's VA records, or Kaiser records (from California), there's precious little actual meaningful and relevant content in an avalanche of records.  They're all structure, and almost no content.

The Betsy Wise Show was starting to feel a lot like that, too.  We were imagining visions and missions, where we can't get agreement to fix the streets or drainage, or improve the medians.  And the reason for our inertia for the past almost 2 1/2 years is that the Commission all by itself couldn't be bothered to form a sense of vision or mission.  When a group of non-Commissioner residents took the initiative to get our neighbors (and there were more than 12 of them) to do an exercise much like the Betsy Wise song and dance, the Commission ignored the whole thing.  Now, Betsy has resurrected some of those same conclusions, and presented them as if it required her to think of the idea.  It was sad, annoying, and slightly infuriating.  The word Betsy once used with me, to describe her ambition to be on the Commission on the basis of nothing, was "arrogant."  Betsy has simply now gotten herself into a higher gear.  But it's the same vehicle.

Instead of a Commission that does its job, and listens to its constituents, and addresses the problems everyone can see, we have the New Show.  Ladies and gentlemen, Betsy entices.  Step right this way.  You'll see things that will shock and amaze you.  Just $10, and my capable assistant will escort you to your seat.

Yuck.  What a waste of time and emotional energy.  But thanks to Dan Samaria, and Chuck Ross, and Cesar Hernandez, for bothering to try to include more people.  At least someone on the Commission cares about the Village residents who aren't.

Dan Samaria Invites Us to Watch Village Meetings by Live Streaming.

Hi Everyone!

On Tuesday April 16 at 7pm, the Village of Biscayne Park will have a Communication work shop at the Log Cabin. We hope that you will be present, if not here is a way you can see it LIVE. The program is called ZOOM.

This is a streaming event only, there were not be any participation If you have any questions or comments of what you are seeing you can email me at dsamaria@biscayneparkfl.gov  

You must go on to https://zoom.us/j/3167130290

 Meeting ID is 316- 713-20290

 You need to sign up with your first name and email

 Than hit join a meeting. 

 We will be beginning the program at 6:30pm to give you time to get set up.

 Let’s hope it works well!

Dan Samaria
Commissioner

I've Been Making It All Up. And I'm Sorry.

I think my conscience is getting to me.  Finally.  I started this blog in 2011, and almost every word I've written is my invention.

If you read Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses, you remember the part where the scribe, who is writing the Qur'an, from the mouth of Mohammed, realizes he has made a mistake.  But he also realizes no one is checking him, and no one will know he made a mistake.  So he begins to make more of them, and to write whatever he wants.  That's what I do.  I'm mostly talking about things that happen, in places, like Commission meetings, where I am.  But since not many other people are there, I have come to realize I can say whatever I want, and almost no one will call me on it.  So I just make stuff up.

My big critic and external conscience had sometimes been Milt Hunter.  Months ago, Milt sent me, for some mysterious reason, an e-mail.  I couldn't tell what his point was, since he was rambling incoherently, but he did mention my then recent "whoppers."  I don't know if Milt reads this blog, and he doesn't come to Commission meetings, but he clearly knew I had been lying, big time.  He didn't specify what were the "whoppers," but he wouldn't have said it, if it hadn't been true.  Milt is an interesting figure for me.  He's like AA.  Milt is the anchor I can use, and the promise that's available to me, if I can admit I have a problem, and rely on a "higher power," which is Milt.  Milt made me that offer about this blog some years ago.  I was feeling discouraged, and I was talking to him about it, and he offered that if I would make a clear public statement that I had failed, and that he was the new savior (I hope it's OK if I don't use the upper case S), then he would take over the blog.  I guess I hadn't hit bottom by then, or I couldn't admit my life was out of control, and that I needed Milt as my higher power, so he just started his own blog instead.  Milt has been vastly more responsible and honest in his blog than I have here.  For example, when I was running for Commission re-election in 2016, Milt did the public service of writing a whole post all about how terrible I am.  He spelled it all out.  Well, as it happened at the time, and with the understanding that I'm neither honest nor willing to surrender, I wrote a comment to Milt's blog, delineating all the things Milt said that I considered inaccurate.  (Of course, it was me talking, so who can rely on my concept of accuracy?)  Milt, conscience/savior that he is, refused to allow my comment/correction to be printed.  Good old Milt.

Anyway, back to my confession, I admit I have made awful portrayals of some of our neighbors.  I'm thinking most recently about people like Tracy Truppman, Betsy Wise, Jenny Johnson-Sardella, Will Tudor, and, in a different way, Dan Samaria.  It was just this past Tuesday at the Commission meeting, that Tracy pointed out she's lived in the Village for about 20 years.  We all know Tracy.  She's a good enough kid, right?  But I can portray her any way I want, and I do.  I can "quote" various lies I claim she tells, and manipulative behaviors I allege she commits, because there are few people around who could challenge me.  And since the few who are around at meetings are accomplices of mine, they very rarely do correct anything I say.  I get away with murder.  The same is true about Betsy Wise.  None of us knew Betsy at all before she decided she should be on the Commission.  That's because she's a mild-mannered, quiet, tentative, and circumspect person.  But I describe her as if she was some sort of bad dog, barking and biting all the time.  Betsy couldn't possibly be like that, but I can say she is, because who's there to confront me?  Jenny Johnson-Sardella is an attorney.  She took a lot of initiative to get where she is, and she must know a lot about the law.  But I make her out to be uninspired, practically paralyzed, totally dependent, and clueless.  I say whatever I want.  Will Tudor just reminded us he's been a "federal employee" for 25 years.  He didn't say if he was president, a janitor, or something in between.  But 25 years...  As something he characterizes as a "federal employee..."  He's got to be stable, and someone who brings distinct value.  But I don't describe him as being valuable.  I describe him as vacant and non-contributory.  Hey, why not?  Who knows different?  All the people who don't come to Commission meetings? 

Dan Samaria is almost the opposite kind of situation.  We all know Dan.  He makes it impossible not to know him.  I generally think of Dan as a comparatively unsophisticated person, and someone who tends to be influenced by others.  I'll give you an example.  In 2017, we had a special election for a Commission seat vacated by David Coviello.  At first, the candidates were Dan, Harvey Bilt, and Mac Kennedy.  Mac eventually dropped out.  But in the meantime, I was trying to pull together a Meet the Candidates event, of the question-and-answer and topical discussion type we had always had...before.  But only Mac was willing to participate.  Harvey was either taking direction from the beast I portray Tracy Truppman to be, or he was, shall we say, highly skeptical, because I was the organizer, so he refused to participate.  Dan also refused, and it wasn't easy to get him to articulate a reason.  Much later, after Harvey won the election, Dan, who is my exterminator, told me his reason for refusing to participate: Harvey advised him against it.  Imagining this to be true, I pointed out to Dan the-- I'm sorry, Dan-- insanity of taking advice from a rival instead of from an unbiased person, who was sort of a friend, and who was a client.  Dan agreed he made a mistake.  Later, in 2018, he repeated the mistake.  That's Dan.  But the point is, it's not really believable for me to describe Dan, as I have on more than one occasion, as the independent brains of Commission operation.  But who's going to tell me I described it wrong?  Not you, if you're not there.

So, I want to make a request of you.  It's partly for my benefit, since I need an intervention, and partly for the Village's benefit, because I really shouldn't misportray us as I do, and contribute to giving us a bad reputation.  I want to ask you to come to Commission meetings.  I think you should pay careful attention, and maybe even take notes.  Because when I then do that awful and dishonest thing I keep doing, I want your comments all over this blog.  I need to be taken to task.  I need to be chastised severely.  Please, do something.  Come to these meetings.  Let me have it.  You know it isn't as I describe it.  It couldn't possibly be.  Right?


PS: If you know a Village resident who votes, but doesn't come to meetings, and isn't on my circulation for announcements about this blog, PLEASE forward this to them.  They need to know.  About me.  So they can stop me.  It will help me, but more importantly, it will help the Village.

Oops.

Tonight's Commission meeting started as many of them start.  There were a few gratuitous and meaningless presentations, the Commission got raked over the coals for a collection of gaffes it has committed and insults it inflicts on Village residents, Commissioners ignored what was bothering their neighbors (or the fact that anything was), and the Consent Agenda was approved.  Then, there were two Board position fulfillments to approve.  It was really all a piece of cake.  And then, new business.

All the new business was Dan Samaria's.  Dan gets certain things stuck in his craw, and one that wouldn't go away was his continuing sense of offense that the March 5 meeting didn't happen when it was originally supposed to, and Dan wasn't told properly that it was postponed.  Dan takes this as a personal affront.  He won't let it go.  He still has visions of the meeting that wasn't, and how it could have been just him, and Will, and maybe even just one other person.  He could have been a fish in a slightly smaller pond.  Why and how Dan's going on and on hit Jenny Johnson-Sardella the way it did is a mystery.  Dan must have pressed some button in Jenny.  Maybe she felt somehow blamed, because she wasn't there, and Dan got beaten out of his meeting, and he was the last one to have been told, and he's still complaining about it.  Maybe it was that that finally pushed Jenny.  For whatever reason, she just didn't want anyone to blame her.  So she said it.  "Someone," she said, contacted her, and told her there was no meeting, so she shouldn't come.

Now, the story we had all been told until that instant was that Tracy, Betsy, and Jenny all coincidentally told Krishan Manners that they were unavailable on March 5, and they allegedly told him this just a couple of days before March 5, so Dan and Will Tudor were told there wouldn't be a meeting, because there was no quorum.  Three Commissioners were needed to make a quorum, but only two were available.  So we were told.  And so Dan was told.  But nope.  That's not what happened at all.  Jenny spilled what she wasn't to have spilled.  Dan was ready to meet.  Will was ready to meet.  And Jenny was ready to meet.  The whole Village was ready for this meeting.  The whole Village, except Tracy.  And possibly Betsy.  Unless Betsy was scammed the same way Jenny was scammed.  And Dan and Will were scammed.  And we were all scammed.  And the "someone" who called Jenny to tell her there was no meeting, and she shouldn't come?  Eh.  The big money is on Krishan.  But it could have been Tracy.  For whatever thus far unrevealed reason, Tracy did not want to have a meeting on March 5.  So, all by herself, she crashed the meeting.  Was Krishan complicit?  Probably.

A long time ago, I did a blog post about one of my favorite butcher stores: Proper Sausages.  But I was slightly careless, and I called it Proper Sausage.  I thought that was the name.  Freddy Kaufmann, who owns Proper Sausages, contacted me.  Or maybe he left a comment.  He thanked me for the boost, and he corrected me.  As Freddy put it, my error was "a small thing, but it's a big thing."  And he was right.  Moving that meeting from March 5 to March 19 was a small thing, but it was a big thing.  The glaring complication was that it threw off the variance hearing that really could only have taken place on March 5, because that's how it was advertised.  The less dramatic complication was that people who would want to attend the meeting expected it to be when it's supposed to be, and maybe they weren't exactly as available on some other Tuesday.  The subtlest, and most corrosive, complication was that changing that meeting, in the underhanded and manipulative way it was done, was an insult to everyone.  It was just another manifestation of the autocratic way the Village is being run these days, until we can get rid of Tracy Truppman.  Moving that meeting as it was moved was a reflection of how Tracy disregards and dismisses everyone else who lives in Biscayne Park.  It was a demonstration of complete contempt for all of us.  "A small thing, but a big thing."  Almost undetectable, but earth-shattering.

Well, Betsy, who had gotten a piece of several people's minds during public comment, was very quiet tonight.  Maybe she was also thinking, about what Jenny revealed, and what Tracy did, and maybe what she herself did.  And Tracy danced, getting herself all caught up talking meaninglessly about other things.  But no one forgot what Jenny said: "someone" called her to tell her there was no meeting, when there really was.  Or should have been.  It's a bad, ugly, destructive business.

The Appearance of Impropriety

It was Mac Kennedy who used this phrase repeatedly during his public comments.  In Mac's opinion, many things the Commission and the Village management did failed in that way, as Mac put it, to pass the smell test.  Tonight's meeting was a glaring example of what Mac was trying to describe.

Tracy "Big Mama" Truppman said she was in a hurry, because the agenda was so "packed."  It wasn't, and we weren't, but Tracy was working hard at something.  Her maneuverings began with choosing members for two of the Boards.  There were two odd things about this supposed discussion.  One was Tracy's derailing of the discussion before it started, and choosing instead to talk about whether we even need some of the other Boards.  Evidently, Tracy is setting the Commission up to end Boards.  What this had to do with filling the Boards on the agenda tonight was a mystery.  Except that it was part of Tracy's overall scheme of reconstructing the Village the way she wants it.  But since Tracy has no more use for the Boards than she has for anyone else who lives in Biscayne Park, it probably made its own kind of sense.  She might as well telegraph her plan starting now.  The other oddity was the 4-1 Commission vote to remove Dan Keys from his very long perch atop the Parks and Parkways Board.  I assume it was Dan Samaria who wasn't given the message that we're axing Keys, but it was very clear the other four knew it in advance.  Not a word was said about the Board or its functioning, except Mac Kennedy's public comment expressing gratitude for some of P&P's recent projects, but four Commissioners were on the very same wavelength about Dan Keys.  And those same four Commissioners were fine with the other already sitting P&P members.  They didn't want to reconstitute P&P wholesale.  It was just Dan Keys.

We went on to talk about an attorney for the Village.  Once again, the Commissioners were prepared, and mostly in line (well, the girls were).  Everything pointed to how wonderful Grey Robinson is, even though they no longer have the one attorney who was the reason four of five Commissioners (minus Big Mama) wanted to hire them, and how inferior Fox Rothchild probably is, even though they now do have the one attorney who was the reason we initially hired Grey Robinson, and apparently, a number of other recent defectors from Grey to Fox.  And the Commissioners pretended it was somehow out of their hands, because we hadn't hired John Herrin personally; we had hired Grey Robinson, for whom he was working.  So naturally, since our commitment was to Grey, we had to stay with them.  Except the Commission also let slip the reminder that Grey offered us the clear choice either to stay with them, stay with John Herrin, now at Fox Rothchild, or get counsel from anyone else we wanted.  But the girls mostly don't tell you what they really want, or why they really want it.  Except for a huge one of Betsy Wise's feet she jammed down her own throat.  Betsy reasoned it this way: Roxy Ross made a public comment that was critical of some things the current Commission is doing, so Roxy is an adversary to the Commission; Roxy and John Herrin have known each other for a long time, and even worked together; Betsy couldn't quite get John to say he had spoken to Roxy in the last six months, but she clearly wanted to leave that impression; according to Betsy, a Village resident who is not a Commissioner spoke to John about something unspecified; for all anyone knows, this could have been Roxy.  Therefore, Roxy is an enemy of the people, and John is in league with her, so he should not be hired.  (And it was either Betsy or Big Mama who wrongly said the Village attorney works for the Commission.  No, he or she works for the Village.)  No one brought tomatoes to throw at Betsy for this twisted, paranoid, and nonsensical reasoning, but she sure heard the verbal protest.  Will Tudor apologized to Roxy for the implication, and Betsy interrupted, to make sure it was clear that Will wasn't speaking for her.  A number of terms to describe Betsy were uttered.  She's a viciously nasty person.  And not honest.

Then, it was onto a variance request.  Suffice it to say that Tracy was actually the only Commissioner who understood the issues, and was disposed to grant the variance.  The rest of them were bumbling and had no idea how to think about the problem.  They thought it would buy them time if they approved one of the requested structures, and delayed on the other.  It was Roxy Ross who pointed out that the advertising for the hearing had been faulty, since it listed the hearing as taking place on March 5, but that was the day the three girls all didn't feel like going to a Commission meeting, so the matter was postponed.  Except no one else knew the matter was postponed.  And although the majority of the current Commission would point out that no one else but them matters, there's still the annoying issue of the law.  So the hearing is now postponed until the May meeting.

Perhaps the biggest joke/scam of the meeting was mobile phones.  On the one hand, there was a discussion as to the possible advisability of having Commissioners use Village-provided mobile phones for Village business.  On the other hand, it appears that in advance of this discussion, the phones have already been purchased.  Hmm.  But here was the biggest joke and scam.  The commonest expressed theory as to why it would be a great idea, and a real convenience, for Commissioners to have Village-provided mobile phones was that it would ensure "transparency."  It turns out there are several current, and thus far unfulfilled, records requests to see whom Commissioners have been calling and texting.  Part of the effort not to comply is telling those who make these requests that it will cost them hundreds or even many thousands of dollars to get the records.  Clearly, Commissioners are trying desperately to hide information about their communications, and they have the Village manager running fierce interference for them.  But the question is, on what basis should anyone assume that Commissioners will make all business communications from their business phones only (and won't either cheat or even make a mistake), and how would this be enforced?  What was proffered as ensuring transparency is actually the greatest possible cover for opacity.

In that vein, the Commissioners were asked many questions during public comment.  Not one of those questions was ever answered, either by any of the Commissioners or by the manager.  This is truly government at its very worst.