"It Would Be Comical, If It Wasn't So Tragic."

That's what one of my friends said, referring to something about tonight's Commission agenda.  My friend was right, and we'll come to that tragedy.  But it wasn't the only one.

After the difficult topic was removed from the agenda, the meeting got under way.  And it was a good thing the difficult topic did get removed.  It was only last month that Will Tudor was bemoaning, sort of, the Commission's failure to accomplish anything, even though it has a rock solid majority, and addressing the difficult topic-- driveways-- might have led to an actual accomplishment.  No one, not even Will, complained when that topic was removed.  Well, Roxy Ross complained, but she doesn't count.  As we soon learned.

You might remember that last month, Roxy intended to introduce a discussion topic, and it was about meeting structure.  The theme Roxy had in mind involved proper decorum among Commissioners, and from the Commission to the non-Commissioner residents of the Park.  You might also remember that Harvey Bilt bizarrely took the liberty to suggest that the Commission not discuss Roxy's issue, and the rest of the stooges sheepishly and foolishly went along with Harvey.  Well, tonight the topic came back.  And there was no more mood to accommodate Roxy's wish for order and respect now than there had been last month.  Bobblehead after bobblehead dutifully concocted non-reasons why not, and one was lamer than the other.  A favorite was that we're a small municipality, so we shouldn't pattern what amounts to a decorum resolution after a larger municipality.  Moronic, but repeated by the kids.

But the beauty here was the contribution of Big Mama Truppman.  Big Mama summarized some of the other claptrap her stooges sputtered out, and she added some perspective.  (No, of course it didn't make any sense, but that's not the point.  The point is it's the twisted nonsense she has to produce somehow to combat Roxy Ross.  And let's remember that Big Mama specializes in complete disrespect for her neighbors and her Commission colleagues.  Does she want a system of interaction among any of them that would require her to act decently to other people?  Right.)  So Big Mama pointed out that if things had to be orderly, we'd have meetings that would last "four or five hours."  And the Commission wouldn't be able to do the business of the neighborhood.  Big Mama appeared to have ignored the facts that 1) our meetings already take four to five hours (tonight's only took two, because the goofballs unloaded the real business), and 2) this Commission doesn't accomplish anything for the Village anyway.  Big Mama, don't you remember it was just last month that your boy Tudor complained about that?  As I said, it was desperately foolish stuff, designed mostly to frustrate anything that was introduced by Roxy Ross, and, just as my friend said, "it would be comical, if it wasn't so tragic."

And then, onto Board memberships.  Most of them were easy, in that there were just fewer applicants than vacancies, so the applicants could simply be elevated to membership without discussion.  One Board was different, though.  There was a curiosity about the Biscayne Park Foundation.  That Board has three members, out of five it's supposed to have, and one has her house up for sale.  So the Board needed two new members right now, and maybe a third before too long.  About two months ago, I applied.  I had been on the Foundation before, I know and like the people on it now, and I needed something useful to do for the Village.  It was a natural.  I might have been appointed when I applied, but the day I applied was a day too late to make it onto the agenda.  The next month, there was a mix-up, having to do with whose decision it was.  Some thought the Commission had to decide, and some thought the Foundation could decide.  Well, it turned out the Commission had to decide, and by the time this became clear, the next Commission meeting had gone by.  So tonight was the night.  Mine was the only application, so it would be automatic, like the other Boards.  Then, last Friday (3/30), Nicole Susi applied.  This could be great for the Foundation.  Nicole is terrific, full of ideas and enthusiasm.  And a super nice person, and fun to work with.  It would be Jorge Marinoni, Marie Smith, Erica Pettis, until she and Walter sell their house, and move to North Carolina, Nicole, and I.  So that was it, as of Friday, March 30.

On Sunday, April 1 (you don't have to say it), four applications are received.  They come from Laura Graves, Judith Gersten, Barbara Watts, and David Goehl.  If you don't know who Laura and Judith are, you're forgiven.  They're nice women, but they keep extremely low profiles, Village-wise.  They attend nothing, they participate in nothing, and they contribute to nothing.  If you're wondering how they even knew there were Foundation openings, and why they suddenly wanted to be part of something (on a Sunday, April Fool's Day), those are very, very good questions.  You probably know Barbara Watts.  She ran for Commission about six or seven years ago, because Steve Bernard insisted on it, and she couldn't find someone else to do it for her, so she wouldn't have to.   She won her seat, and she never once connected to anything that had anything to do with the Village.  Although she was one of the votes in favor of hiring Heidi Siegel as manager.  Mostly, she just complained and criticized. And had weird crusades about other parts of the County.  The other odd thing about Barbara was that just before this past Sunday, April Fool's Day, she was conspicuous for canvassing various blocks, pleading for someone (to replace her?) to apply for the Foundation.  It seems she couldn't find anyone. And David Goehl.  David was a BP Commissioner many years ago, and like many of the prior Commissioners, he went back under ground after his term was up.  He had nothing further to do with the Village, except he still lives here.  And you might ask the same questions about Barbara and David that you might have asked about Laura and Judith: how did they suddenly come to know there were Foundation openings, and why on earth did they apply, on April Fool's Day?

So those were the applicants.  I guess Laura and David figured they'd find out the result later, since they didn't come to the meeting tonight.  (Unless they already knew?)  Judith came, but she didn't stay to find out whether or not she was chosen to be on the Foundation.  And Nicole was there.

And the envelopes, please.  Roxy Ross selected Nicole and me.  All of the other four selected Laura, and three of them also selected David.  Only Will forgot, I mean messed up, I mean independently liked the idea of Barbara.  So it was unanimous for Laura (yeah, OK, it wasn't unanimous, because Rox didn't select Laura, but I already told you, Rox doesn't count), and one short of unanimous for David.

It's a hell of a coincidence, really.  I mean, think about it.  Four Commissioners happen independently to think it would be a great idea to appoint to the Foundation someone who has absolutely no activity in any Village function, and doesn't even attend Village events.  And who somehow only thought of the idea on a Sunday, two days before the meeting. And three of them had the same completely independent idea about a long past Commissioner about whom you might have wondered if he even still lived here any more.

What the Commission managed to do was prevent the seating of two people of proven devotion by substituting two people of proven disinterest.  Talk about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

As my friend said, it would be comical, if it wasn't so tragic.  A Commission now self-identified as accomplishing nothing, based on wanting nothing, padding a Board with members who have no reason to accomplish anything, because they don't want anything, either.  We elected ourselves one hell of a Commission.

As we were leaving, another of my friends said he imagined I would refuse to participate in anything the Foundation does, because I'm not a member of it.  Was he kidding?  Of course I will.  I have great affection for the Village, and for the Foundation.  And I'm not like Big Mama.  I don't take out my personal grudges on the Village.  And not everything has to be about me.  Like it does with Big Mama.