It's been at least a year, maybe more, since Commissioner columns were printed in the newsletter. It was a nasty mess, and you can blame whomever you want, but traditional Commissioner columns were suspended, and now they're to be reinstated. To be honest, when the columns were first pulled, I thought it was the right thing. I saw the two columns that were considered most offensive, and they most definitely were offensive, and I personally agreed that they had no place in a municipal newsletter. But over the many months, and with renewed interest in Commissioner columns, I rethought the matter, and I agree they should be reinstated. We no longer need them, as we did in the past, for substantive updates on what Commissioners are doing with their responsibilities, and how departments are running, because this is the Manager's purview. We definitely need such a column from her. But we elect Commissioners, and if columns let us see whom we elected, then they are a good thing. For better or worse.
The newsletter comes out in a week, and the columns have been submitted. As of today, I've seen them all.
Let's start with Commissioner Watts. Barbara, let me proofread your column next time. Great content, but could be a bit tighter. Barbara Watts has clearly made herself available to her constituents. She's interested, curious, and wants to represent them all. And she's humble. This was her strongest suit. She knows she's new at this, feels appropriately uncertain, and is practically begging to learn. Good for her. She's tentative, but appropriately so, and she's smart enough to be careful.
There's nothing new with Ross. She got an A+ before, and she gets an A+ now. A very high quality Commissioner whose newsletter submission is precisely that feel-good cheerleading her detractors so loved to demean. She tells you what the big issues are, and she lets you know what's on the bright side. She always said she wanted the Village to be a "better place to be," and it's clear she still does.
Anderson was mostly self-congratulatory, but not without reason, and he clearly keeps plodding along, trying to make one thing after another better. And he wants collaboration from all of us. He lets you know this is your job, too. A nice, if careful, submission.
Jacobs was very diplomatic. He gave a nod to most of us, and he highlighted the Boards. Like Anderson, he promotes collaboration. He added, curiously, that "There is even a committee whose entire purpose is to raise money to help fund projects: the Biscayne Park Foundation." It remains to be seen whether he'll find a way to be more supportive of the Foundation than just to mention its existence once. He might also have taken a page from Watts' book, and been a bit more humble. Do you know the one about the guy who was born on third base, and thought he hit a triple? Jacobs appears not to have figured out how he got into office, and how he got to be Mayor.
Ah, Bryan. What a roller coaster. I have to admit, in the fullest candor, that I expected the very worst from Commissioner Dr Cooper. He started right off complaining about the suspension of these columns, an act which he says occurred at a "special" meeting, and which he takes personally. So I was prepared for his usual ranting and mud-slinging. Didn't happen! He started with the few obligatory swipes, but nothing terribly bad, then did his "Thumbs Up," "Questionable," and "Thumbs Down" routine. Now I have to say, he held up well, for a while. His only early squeak, as we clarinet players say, was in criticizing FPL for wanting a rate hike. Really, Bryan, you never got a raise in your life? And you don't agree to pay more for food, clothes, cars, gas, postage stamps, vacations, and everything else that crosses your path? How did you decide FPL shouldn't raise their rates? But you know what? Minor stuff. Really. And I won't fuss with him for spelling Capt Atesiano's name wrong. But at the end, when I've decided he's going to take his version of a high road, he starts to flake out. He criticizes the Commission for agreeing to a lengthy and comprehensive effort to establish rules permitting fences on corner lots, an effort made by the Code Review Committee, then complains that Village residents can't have "historical picket or other tasteful fences" (Gee, I wonder what Village resident might want a picket fence), then cites Miami Shores or Coral Gables as examples of municipalities that do allow these "tasteful" fences. But MSV and CG also allow fences on corner lots, so his citation is a little incoherent, at best.
Then, things get really wacky. He's back to his good old accusatory self. "Officials and a few supporters still seek to limit what you and I read-- attempting to ban...distribution...[of the] Biscayne Times." Yikes, Commissioner Dr. No one ever suggesting banning distribution of the BT. The request was for distribution in any form at all except dumping the paper on every yard. And as for the "still" part, the matter was raised once, was not responded to by the Commission, and has not come to Commission attention again. And what "officials?" I raised the issue, and you and the rest of the Commission ignored it. He's in his happy orbit, but around what?
He finishes with the nuttiest distortion of all. The "Commission passed an Ordinance to change our Village's 79-year tradition of stand alone elections...while giving themselves an extra year in office." You were there, Commissioner Dr. I saw and heard you. Were you not listening, or did you not comprehend the version of English in which the proceeding took place? The Commission did not pass an ordinance to change the election. It passed an ordinance to place the matter on the ballot as a referendum, so the residents could decide. This is the thing you sometimes say you want: openness and inclusion, and listening to residents. And whose terms will be extended by passage of such a change? Watts' and Anderson's, for sure. Yours, Ross', and Jacobs', if you all run and get re-elected in '13.
So a nice start, and a miserable, scrappy, raging, and pathetic finish. But I really did expect worse.
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